Dave Barry Nails Suze Orman

Friday, May 19, 2006

Originally published: Saturday, February 04, 2006

(With apologies to Dave Barry for any unintended sexual innuendo. I'm very sorry if I put such an awful picture in anyone's head.)

I have a special place in my bile duct for Suze Orman. I find her contemptuous. She seems to have swallowed every bit of new age flotsam to come down the pike in the past 30 years and regurgitated it into a reductive pile of unctuous goo. Her idea of empowering people is berating them for not being empowered. Her advice to poor money managers -- and poor people -- is usually some version of: Get over your victimhood. You made this colossal mess of your life. Now doesn't that make you feel better?

Dave Barry, interviewed in Newsweek about his new book, absolutely nails her annoying rap.

Apparently there's an FCC regulation that Suze Orman has to be on some channel all the time. On some TVs she's still there when you turn off the TV. I'm starting to see her in grilled-cheese sandwiches these days. I stuck her picture in the book because she has that terrifying smile that says: "I'm on your side, you'd better take my advice or I'll rip your throat out because I care about you."